VIBE ON THE ROAD
MORZINE INVASION 2005

Finally the day had arrived that we had all been waiting for. The vibe teams 3rd invasion of Morzine. This one was promising to be as chaotic as the last 2.

For this year we had a sad drop out, none other than the legendary Stuntman Steve, or studman as he is usually known in the French resort unfortunately he had a nasty accident where he shat himself, oh and dislocated his hip too. Although we were all sad with the loss of the loveable studman we were all happy to hear we had newcomers to France. These newcomers were Stu, Danny, Iain, THE DON and Robo.

Now this year took a different format from previous years. Some guy had the great idea of driving to France, now myself, Iain, Danny and Claire(my sexy g/f) were not so keen so we took the normal mode of transport, but for the crazy idiots left which were Sketch(porn lover), Dave(pregnant porn lover) and Eagle(any porn lover) in Eagle I’s Van. Lawr(see you later!!!), the don(I like jp’s snoring), Brian(crazy haircut/serial Killer) JP(cheese and puffs = cheesy puffs), Scott(I ride like a swan on crack), in Lawr’s Landy and (Mrs) Robo and Stu (Steen machine) in Robo’s sporty clio that apparently gets to Dover in 5 hrs.

Now unfortunately I was not with these crazy fooooo’s for this epic adventure, but needless to say I heard enough to wish I’d been part of this milestone, some of the random happenings included Sketchy and Dave holding up a shop in Dover with their toy guns. Brian may have to explain the one where the girl fell asleep on his crotch thing a wee bit more though!!!!!!!!

After a long days traveling we finally arrived at the best place on earth, the le sherpa pub…..We were greeted unexpectedly by Sketch, Dave, Stu, Robo and Eagle(kilt attire included) who had arrived about 3 hrs earlier, and off course were all already wasted. After our reunions with the best bar man in the world (Bartin), and best tour guide in the world Robz, Iain, Claire and I cracked straight on to the beers. YUM YUM. Idiot of the night has to go to Eagle for carting around 600 euros in his wallet whilst at the pub, and talking utter dribble to anyone who spoke to him.

After around 4hrs of solid drinking we headed back to the chalet le bourguignon just about 15mins drunken walk from le Sherpa. But on the way we saw the beautiful landy coming towards us, Vibe crew hanging out and all. So finally all of us made it to Morzine.

The next day I was up bright and early for breakfast, to most of the Vibes surprise, probably because I was the laziest vibe member last year in France. We all snarled down breakfast and got ready to go on to the slopes.

The Avalanche course was first port of call and it hadn’t really changed since last year apart from a pointless double just after the fly off. So we headed over to Les Get and it had had a revamp, sadly mont chery had been taken out and some track covered in manure replaced the top section of Les 2, but interestingly a new bike park had opened which had tickled a few of the teams fancies.

Almost all of us were out on the slopes, the only guys that weren’t there were sketch and Dave. Dave had had some bike trouble so sketch the mechanic (!!!!) offered a hand. In the hope that maybe god would reward him for being a good Samaritan. Unfortunately when Sketch did manage to get on the slopes he was flung over the bars after hitting Stu on one of the corners, which in turn put his shoulder out. So off to the Doc’s it was for Sketch, one down 13 to go. Sketch came back from the Doc’s and confirmed he had dislocated his shoulder and prob wouldn’t ride the rest of the holiday. So we all went out to celebrate. (only joking), we don’t need an excuse to get pissed. Surprisingly Sketch took it really well, and we all got super pissed at the Cavern.

The next day we were up early again, the vibe split up and some went over to the bike park although I opted to stay and do runs on the Avalanche with Lawr, Brian and Scott then head over for lunch. When I finally came over to les get, I was greeted by more bad news Eagle had dislocated his shoulder and put a nasty cut on his knee on the bike park, apparently he went off the shed drop and the wind pulled him over resulting in disaster.

With Vibe number 2 away to the hospital the rest of us opted for a relaxing time at the lake, where Scott showed us his Seal impression. After the lake escapades we went back to the chalet for yet another piss up. A few of the guys, mainly DAVE decided to get pissed on a lot of wine, which led to many a stupid thing happen. Now let me see where to start. When Dave does stupid things Sketch feels he has to battle and do something more stupid. This all started with a great show of how not to drink alcohol. Let’s just say the sniffing of the salt and the squeezing of the lemon got excessive, to the delight of some of the guests staying at Le Sherpa. Another idiotic thing that happened was eating of a dead pig’s eye which was quite revolting, but possibly the worst thing Dave did was eating someone else’s sick. Dave:”Ewwww look at all the lumps did you not chew your food.” In fact I think it is quite possibly the most stupid thing I have seen Dave do, in hindsight he earned major respect on the idiot front.

Now during are mega extravagant nights out, a party of the Vibe had managed to end up in le Paradise, which suspiciously collided with strip night. The mob included Stu, Eagle, and Sketch. The random happenings started to occur when Stu was invited up on to the stage in front of 60 or so people. The words having sex is an understatement, apparently they were at it like cowboys, or would have been if Stu got it up…...

As to any Vibe invasion of Morzine, there was the regular visit to Bar Robinson where we got intoxicated from 4 pints of the finest strong lager. The most idiotic thing from these shenanigans was the great idea from Eagle (3 pints sunk) to drive all 13 of us in the Van back to le Sherpa. We basically had to keep the van doors open and lean out, to the delight of the locals. I think not!!!

Most nights we would get wasted and then get the clippers out. Dave had a particularly vulgar hair cut as he looked a wee bit like a ruthless dictator from WWII. Another clippertastic moment was when Brian fell asleep, and on awakening he found most of his hair was on the pillow.

This year we made as per usual a few chums. The bike guide from last year Robz was joined by newcomers Andy and Gareth. Andy set an image of stupidity from the start knowing full well from Robz tales that we weren’t out to ride, but out to drink. On the second night of being there Andy felt so at home with us that he got completely rat arsed in Opera. Gareth took a wee while to get out of his shell. It was only until the Vibe party at our Chalet that he started to act the idiot and get vibe recognition. Lawr, Emma (new top chalet girl), and Gareth though it would be a good idea to make a Jack ass omelet. Yummy. To much of the dismay to the onlookers, Robz decided not to take part in throwing up into a jug, but decided to watch them and then throw up into a bush. Respect!!!! Apparently the whole gourmet was very nice. Yeah right. The other chum was Harry whom Lawr took a liking to, probably because she had nice hands, if you know what I mean. Harry was great to us and made us breakfast and help us to relax whilst on our stressful holiday, which is always good.

After the first week Iain, Danny, Stu and Robo left us for dead. So then there was only the 12 of us, but as everyone knows one vibe member can do as much damage as twelve. To celebrate, we all got drunk again, and Sketch and I ended up being the last to walk home, which ended up being quite eventful. Apparently some English twats decided to nearly have a fight with Sketch, which made us both so enraged we made a song up. “England you fecking pile of pish, you eat shit and maggots.” This made us feel like Bob – bloody - Dylan in song writer terms, although that is my personal opinion.

The rest of the week was pretty much the same as the first week, thankfully no more injuries occurred. Although I had a wee incident on the Avalanche but thankfully came out unharmed. We definitely caused a lot of crazy antics and had an epic time, not only did a few extra vibe members join us, but vibe crossed a new milestone by driving the whole way to Morzine from Dundee.

So it is around about this time that we hand out flowers in thanks and congrats. So first of congrats to Lawr, Brian, Scott, Jimmy Pop, The Don, Robo, Stu, Eagle, Sketch and Dave. Well done guys for getting to Morzine in one piece!!!!!!!!!!!! [Applause]

Secondly I would like to take this opportunity on behalf of Vibe Racing to thank all the staff at Jolly Good, who made every effort to make our holiday relaxing and enjoyable. So come up and collect your flowers guys. [Applause]

Finally I would like to thank the Alps. Without you lot we would never have such a dang good time. Come on and get your flowers. Don’t drag your feet.

Report by Simo the bruce.